A New Beginning

[justapidge]

It was all still a lot to take in, even several days after the fact. The Castle of Lions was gone. Shiro--the real Shiro--was back. Lotor was gone. They were on their way back to Earth. So much had happened in such a short amount of time that all of the Paladins had been left scrambling to keep up in their own ways, scrambling to process everything and push through and everyone was coping in their own ways. It probably didn't help that they were all essentially traveling separately despite being able to communicate at all times and it was strange. Not bad. Just strange.

Which made every stop they made important. A chance for everyone to interact closely and reconnect; rebuild their bonds especially now that they were all truly back together again.

For Pidge, though, there was one person in particular that she hadn't approached directly and needed to. There was a lot that she needed to say, needed to address, but it was hard to put it all together. When the clone--when Kuron, as he'd come to call himself thanks to Shiro--had first snapped and escaped with Lotor, Pidge could have stopped him but she hadn't been able to take the shot. One look and she had frozen, finger on the trigger of her gun as she stared at the person she had come to see as an older brother; as some of the only family, the only connection to her family, she had left prior to finding Matt and her dad again. And then the castle had been attacked by the same virus protocol she had created and planted in his arm, just in case, and she had known right then and there just how far gone he was.

Lucky for all of them it turned out that it hadn't been the real Shiro at all and Kuron was being controlled by Haggar. Still a lot to process but..better than the alternatives.

They had landed on a rather lush planet to rest for a day or two before continuing their journey, three days since they had gotten Shiro back. Three days since Kuron had gotten a name and become apart of their ever growing family. Pidge was sitting on the ground by her lion's paw, back resting against the large metal appendage as she fiddled with her communicator to adjust the settings better. Her gaze flickered over towards the Black Lion then back to her communicator, the screw driver she was using slipping and earning a scowl from her.

She was too distracted for this.

With a sigh she tucked it away and climbed to her feet, leaving her helmet on the ground by the lion's paw as she made her way over towards the Black Lion. She'd seen Keith and Krolia go off with Hunk to see what sort of edible things they could find in the surrounding forest which meant Shiro and Kuron were probably the only ones still in the lion..unless Lance was bothering them. Worse case scenario she'd just have to awkwardly ask for some time alone right? Calibrations. That would be her excuse. Well, not really an excuse since she did intend to eventual try and make a new arm for Shiro and Kuron both but, well, it was a good conversation opener at least.

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[justapidge]

Her eyes narrow some at the mention of someone taking control of his arm, of the remnants of the tech still left there. It was something she had been actively thinking about and already taking into consideration with all of this but the idea of it was still worrying no matter how much she tried to prep herself for all possible scenarios.

But it wasn't going to happen. She wouldn't give anyone that opportunity.

"The main thing we're going to need is materials," Pidge mused as she set her scanner down and moved over towards a storage compartment to get some of her tools out. "I've got a lot of stuff that I managed to stow away when we left the Castle but I want to make sure whatever we make is top notch. It has to be light weight but still able to take a blast or hit." She frowns and ends up half inside the compartment attempting to find a specific set of drivers. "I want to see if I can mimic what the Galra did and make it able to change into a weapon as well--Aha!"

Pulling herself out of the compartment, Pidge grins with tools in hand, hopping up and heading back over to Shiro's side.

"But it'll be better because it'll be my design," she added and looking rather smug as she did. The tools get set down sans a small driver and she rests her free hand on his shoulder as her expression grows serious. "This..may hurt a little. More than normal since everything is out of sync and hypersensitive."

It's an apologetic warning because there's not much she can do about it except work as quickly and carefully as she can.

That first touch of her tool to the inner workings of his damage arm though? That won't be pleasant.

[headspacedad]

He watches her end up all but swallowed by the compartment and it brings a swell of fondness inside his chest. She's so bright and determined and eager. It doesn't mean she's not still a teen, that's she's not still scared and worried, but - it does him good, helps him, to know that, despite all of that, Katie is still going to be Katie.

"We can always start off basic and upgrade as we go," he's being too eager again, too hopeful. But - its hard to stop thinking and talking about it now that the hope's been dangled in front of him. "If you make it detachable."

Her pride and assurance has him smiling again though and he relaxes.

"I'd be honored to wear something of your design, Katie. You and Hunk - and Allura and Coran - will always be my first choice for any mechanic designs."

There's more though and he pulls in a deep breath through his nose, skin around his eyes tightening - but he nods.

"It's fine. Do what you need to."

There's always been a low level ache and now that its just a stump there are spikes of random pain from time to time and the ache feels more like a day old broken bone. He is not looking forward to more prodding in that already sensitive area, especially not compounded on what he's already feeling. But - she needs this. And its necessary to both shut it down so its not a threat anymore - and, potentially - to getting that new arm. He mentally grabs hard onto the promise of that new arm to make this pain worth it and then he turns his hip so she's got a better shot at what's left of his arm and grits his teeth.

The first prod still has him sucking in air between his clenched teeth though and his eyebrows coming together over his tight eyes. Raw nerves. All he can compare it to is having someone prodding at exposed raw nerves and that pain is hard to ignore considering how intimate and tickling and integrated it is. But he holds still for her. Because the better he is the faster she can be. And the closer to not being a threat anymore to his family he can be. The grunts still come, catching in his throat, but he forces himself to hold still for her and mutes as much of it as he can. She doesn't need to hear it and - he knows it will hurt her as she does.

[justapidge]

"Making it detachable was always the idea. Starting off basic...well, that depends on your definition of basic," Pidge mused with a grin. Her idea of basic wasn't exactly the same as others because she had a list of things she was going to make sure to include in the design to make sure it functioned well out the gate. Upgrades were always going to be a thing though because everything had room to be improved upon.

Shiro got a sincere smile at his comment about wearing something designed by her and the others before all of her focus went to the task at hand. There would be time to discuss more later. Right now she needed to pay attention to what she was doing and make sure that she didn't--

Her hands still when he sucks in that breath, Pidge's eyes flicking to his face to watch his expression for a moment. She doesn't hesitate long, though, well aware that the longer she drags it out the worse it's going to be. She shifts to prop one knee on the bench, gaze back on the empty shoulder socket as she sets back to work. Each exposed nerve ending is soldered, several of the getting soldered together to form a circuit so they're at least out of the way while Pidge's hands are in the mass of circuitry and no longer so hypersensitive. There were a lot to take care of but she worked diligently, focusing on a batch at a time then moving them out of the way carefully so she can get to next. Finally she was able to get to the core of the nerve connection and start to disable it, setting aside the tools she'd been using and swapping them out for completely different ones--a regular old screwdriver and a small laser scalpel. Screwdriver held in her mouth while one hand holds some of the capped nerve endings out of the way, Pidge carefully cuts away part of the connection port.

"Almost there," she murmured around the screwdriver, setting the laser scalpel aside and using the screwdriver now to open up an access port she'd exposed. She glances down and snags her scanner, screwdriver once more in her mouth, and lets go of the nerve endings with her other hand so she can plug her scanner into the port and start to override the system commands. For a moment Shiro would feel the sensations spike, the nerve endings feeling like they were on fire as the Galra tech tried to fight back--

and then nothing.

"There!" Relief was obvious in Pidge's voice as the screwdriver clattered against her scanner, the younger Paladin looking to Shiro with worry in her eyes as she unplugged from the port inside his shoulder. "How does it feel? Can you feel anything?"

[headspacedad]

The pain seems to go on and on, wearing him down as it drags on. He knows his sense of time isn't matching reality but the pain makes it seems longer than he's sure its been and it takes all his control to keep from jerking the wounded stump away from her because she's the source of the pain and she needs to stop.

Except if she stops - she'll just have to start again at some point and he'd rather take it all down now than break it up over a series. So he grinds his teeth down and locks his jaw, eyes eventually squeezing shut, both at the pain and because he doesn't want to see what she's doing anymore. Because that's him - and yet its not him at all. It's just something that's lived in him for over a year now. He barely hears her murmur and as much as he trusts her, in that moment, feeling that pain, he doesn't believe her.

And then the pain spikes and the yell strangles up through his throat, catches in his locked teeth and gutters out, animal and raw but at least muted. Even in pain he doesn't want to scare her. The pain builds and he knows he can't take it anymore, that he needs to yank his arm away, that it doesn't matter if they have to start again later he just can't take anymore now

and he holds it there for one heart beat. Two. Fights to stay steady and resist -

and then its gone. Everything's gone. So fast that it takes his brain and his body time to register that. He sags forward a little, catches himself on his other arm and his hairline is damp with sweat. He feels cold. And - nothing.

Where his arm had been, where the ruined stump had been - nothing.

He pants through his lips, half expects the pain to come back but - nothing. Its not numb. There's just - nothing there. Nothing at all.

It's a little terrifying. His last connection to anything even close to an arm is gone and even if it hurt at least it was something. His hand lifts but he stops before he touches it, not about to mess with the wires. Instead his fingers clench slow and he nods. Exhales. Lowers his hand.

"Nothing. There's nothing there at all now."

[justapidge]

Pidge hadn't thought about how unnerving it would be to have the sensation of nothingness hanging off his side essentially. Her priority had been to stop the pain, to get rid of the sensitivity and she'd accomplished that.

Sorry Shiro.

The scanner gets set aside as she gets off the bench and goes to grab a towel from one of her other work spaces. She returns quickly, the worry still lingering on her face as she rests a hand on the now deactivated shoulder port and lifts the towel with her other hand to gently wipe away some of the sweat that had built up along his hairline.

"I'm sorry that took so long. Galra tech is advanced but unnecessarily complicated in a lot of ways," she said with a bit of a frown that was gone in the next moment. "Now that I've got all the data from it I can work out how to reconfigure it and program it the way I want it to be--in a way that works in a less damaging way. Then Hunk and I can get started on a new arm for you. For now I'm going to make a temporary patch to cover everything, keep the wires hidden and away from any elements they would be exposed to if they were just hanging out like they are." She attempts a smile, searching his face as she lowers the towel. None of this was best case scenario but there was only so much any of them could do. "I promise we'll work as fast as we can, Shiro."

The sooner they could get him a functioning arm the better.

[headspacedad]

He gives her a weak smile as she wipes the sweat from his forehead, half apologetic. She's not supposed to see him like this and she's certainly not supposed to be responsible for him. But - the care after the pain is almost too much and he dips his head and leans forward just the smallest amount to try to soak it up without being obvious.

He's been a year without a body. Sometimes he's so touch starved he could scream. He does shake his head for her though, eyes still closed.

"Not you. Its not your fault," his voice only rasps a little and he swallows to try to get it back to its usual timbre. And he lets himself soak up her voice and simply the sound of her talking just as much as what she says. Arm. She talking about getting him a real arm again. It makes him smile as drained and hollow stomached as he still feels.

"I know you will. I trust both you and Hunk. Whatever you come up with, even the prototypes, is going to be amazing."

He still feels hurt. Not in the nerves of him anymore but his heart feels hurt and he knows its just too long with too much and too little. He shuts his eyes.

He still can't feel anything from his shoulder down. He tries to ignore it. Tries to focus.

"You don't have to - " he has to stop. Shakes his head. Trying not to feel buried under how broken everything about him seems, suddenly, to be. Tries again. "I trust you, Katie. Whatever you come up with, I'm sure it will be great."