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For goldmedalvicturi

[Continued from here.]

Leaving Makkachin at the apartment for once, Yuuri had headed out and decided to take his time. His head was a mess of thoughts right now and his emotions were so mixed up and hard to figure out that he honestly didn't even really want to do this right now. He wanted to just stay and bed and not talk about it; deflect. Ignore. Pretend it didn't happen. But that wasn't going to help anything. He'd already told Victor that he knew so now he needed to actually finish the conversation.

When he finally made it to the rink he felt..okay, well, he felt cold because Russia was always cold but he at least felt a little more collected. He gave a faint smile in greeting to the man in charge of the rink before heading into the locker room, stowing his bag and jacket away before going about putting his skates on. From there he headed out to the ice, a hard to read look on his face as he reached the wall and nudged the door open so he could step out onto the ice.

He didn't even bother to look for Victor right now, didn't want to through himself off from the state of mind he was in and instead just started to skate. Yuuri had always been better at expressing himself with his skating rather than words themselves so right now? Right now he was going to let his skating, let his body, do the talking as he started around the rink, moving to music that only he could hear, letting his body relax and flow as he moved across the ice. It was clear he was upset and anyone that knew Yuuri well enough would know that meant he was going to end up overthinking things if he wasn't careful. The difference this time, though?

He loved Victor. He didn't want things to go badly but..he was hurt. His heart hurt at the thought that his best friend and his fiance had done something--even just making out--behind his back.

Letting one of his legs swing out as he made a slow turn, Yuuri spread his arms and glided with the position for a moment before drawing himself back upright and turning himself again, arms going above his head as he fell into an easy spin. He broke from it after several rotations before he glided backwards, picking up speed before turning again to face forwards in time to launch himself into a triple toe loop. The landing was easy for him after all this time and his body relaxed again as he went through the motions of a step sequence he was making up on the fly, just how upset he was even more obvious now.

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It would fade. Yuuri would relax again soon enough. Right now he was just in the midst of a battle with his emotions and his own self worth that it was hard for him to do anything easily.

Distracting himself with Victor's presence was helping though.

He presses his forehead closer to the other man's, allowing their noses to brush now as well as he smiles softly.

"You're too kind," Yuuri whispered, allowing Victor to continue moving them across the ice. "I promise to give you a good fight, at the very least."

"I would expect nothing less. I intend on coaching you to victory, even against myself."

They would have a strange dynamic but it would work. Victor would make it work. For as hard as Victor worked he would push Yuuri into doing better, working harder. He could do that much, help raise Yuuri up.

And look, Yuuri had an inside view of the competition as well. A perfect chance to see and know what he would be up against before he had to face it on the ice.

"You still need that gold medal.."

"And I want it, so everyone knows that you coaching me wasn't a waste. So that they know I can do it," he admitted with a bit more conviction than he was use to hearing from himself. It was a strange sensation; being determined to win. Sure he'd always like a good challenge and fought his hardest to get to the Grand Prix two years in a row but he had never been overly competitive about it. He just wanted to prove himself.

But now he wanted the win. He really wanted the win if only so he could keep challenging Victor; keep things interesting for him.

"Think you can handle having a silver medal in your collection?" he said playfully, leaning back a bit so he could press a kiss to Victor's nose.

Victor smiles warmly at the kiss to his nose. He was happy that Yuuri was still willing to have these quiet, intimate moments. That this could still be a thing happening between them. Yuuri may want to prove himself on the ice but Victor was the one who would be doing a lot of work off the ice to earn his way back into the best graces of Yuuri Katsuki.

"You know, I have silver medals. From when I was just starting out. In fact, the last Grand Prix silver I want was when I was twenty two. The last silver I won before that was when I was... Huh, I guess it was 17..? Though I have some from before then."

Outside the Grand Prix, Victor had a variety of medals, the majority being gold the longer into his career he went. For five years though he dominated the Grand Prix stage. Silver just wasn't his color, after all.

"I have a bronze too. Have I ever shown you my bronze medal..?"

Things weren't perfect and Yuuri knew that. His heart still hurt over the fact that his fiance and best friend did things together behind his back. And it was going to hurt for awhile to come. But he loved Victor. He loved Phichit. He couldn't find it in himself to hate either of them; to not want to be around them.

He was just going to be a little more guarded for awhile.

"Of course I knew that," Yuuri teased, easing away from Victor now so he could break away and skate in a backwards circle around the other. "There's nothing wrong with silver and bronze. It makes all the gold medals you have that much better. A symbol of how far you came." He finishes the circle in front of Victor again and this time tucks his arms behind his back as he drifts backwards. "There's no shame in having any medal."

Victor could sense there was a difference between them. The dynamic had changed, Yuuri a little more closed off in the subtle ways but the young man was doing his best to keep things low key.

He turns his head to watch Yuuri skating around him, not following him with a full body turn. He would come back around eventually, and Victor was smiling at him.

"The bronze was my first medal, actually. From my very first competition. I was so proud of it, but decided I wanted gold after that. Its my favorite medal anyway."

He had a rather good start, considering he had been young when he'd earned the bronze.

"I've no shame, I'm sure you've noticed. But I'd love to see you adorned with more gold. I intend to make sure that happens!"

At least he was still here. Then again, there's no where else he'd want to be despite everything.

A softer smile lights up Yuuri's face at the admission, maybe a little bit proud that the other was saying something like that and perhaps a bit relieved to hear that even someone like Victor Nikiforov took pride in bronze medals.

"Nothing wrong with that. Your first medal should always hold a special place in your heart," he said sincerely and his arms fell from behind his back as he offers Victor a hand.

Even as he blushes.

"I'll do my best to make sure your efforts don't go to waste."

Victor takes the hand, bringing the knuckles to his lips. His brow was a little furrowed, expression earnest with that little smile there.

"You always say that.. Say that my efforts might be going to waste... I don't see any waste here." A little push and he's closer to Yuuri now, holding the shorter man's hand against his chest.

"Tomorrow you could decide to never skate again and not a moment with you would have felt wasted. I would only hope you'd let me stay, so I can learn to make you katsudon every night of the week."

The skating was fun, sure. He wanted Yuuri to win, and he wanted to do a good job at coaching him but Victor ultimately was just happy to be there, to be allowed at Yuuri's side, despite every fault and folly Victor had.

Yuuri blushes softly as Victor speaks and moves closer, unable to hold the other's gaze as he looks down at their skates. Even with the reassurances he was always going to have that nagging doubt in the back of his mind and he hated it; he wanted it to disappear but it wasn't as easy as just wishing it away.

His fingers curl against Victor's chest as he lets out a breath--a sound that's one part relief and one part him just trying to calm himself down in the moment--before he gives a slight nod.

"Of course I would let you stay," he said softly, finally looking up with a faint smile. "I..it'd be too strange, not having you around. You make things so much..everything's brighter, with you around." He felt stronger; he felt more at ease with Victor, even with the current circumstances. They'd get through it, Yuuri knew they would and they'd come out stronger for it.

Victor lowers his eyes along with Yuuri's. He hadn't helped anything with Yuuri with his actions. He made things worse and the idea that he'd caused Yuuri any reason to doubt himself or who he was.. Victor had found the thing he hated the most in the world now was seeing Yuuri doubt.

And now Victor was doubting as well. He squeezes Yuuri's hand, looking up towards the ceiling. Then he reaches up with one hand to rub the back of his neck. How to word this.. How to make it not stress Yuuri out further.

"Yuuri... You... I remember when we first talked about you taking on Eros, you said.. You'd never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend..." He winces, lacing their fingers together on one hand, while the other continues to rub the back of his neck nervously.

"I thought about it.. What you said.. I know what I want... I want you. I want to preface that with wanting you but.. ... I don't want you to think that someone like me is the end all be all for.. What I'm trying to say is..."

What was he trying to say?

Was Victor actually implying he wasn't good enough?

"If you wanted... I wouldn't be offended, I wouldn't.. I want you to be happiest, with whoever it is, and if its with me I'm glad but you've only ever.. ..Am I making sense?"

Yuuri's quiet while Victor speaks, the other's body language making it clear that whatever was about to be said was something Victor was struggling with. He understood how that felt and waited, allowing the other to get everything out that he needed to say.

He knew exactly where the other was coming from. Understood the worry because it was something that Yuuri himself had worried about many a times over. Was he simply starstruck with Victor? Was it just a crush that was going to fade? Was he getting in over his head? Every time those questions had plagued him he had managed to calm himself down with several deep breaths and reassurances that it was okay to indulge in things you wanted.

And in this case, he wanted this. He wanted Victor.

His hand tightens around Victor's as he shifts his weight forward to glide closer, bumping into his fiance and resting his free hand on his waist.

"...I am happy. It's scary--terrifying actually, all of this, I mean. It's all so new to me and I have no idea what to do or say most of the time," Yuuri admitted, gaze still down as he leans in to rest his forehead against Victor's shoulder. "But isn't..it's like ice skating, at least that's what I keep telling myself. I'll never know if something's going to work unless I try it. Unless I throw caution to the wind and go for it." Doing a quad flip was very different from offering your heart and everything you are to someone but it was an analogy that worked for him.

Closing his eyes, Yuuri let out a breath.

"I know this is where I want to be."

Well, at least he'd made enough sense to get an answer out of Yuuri. He reaches up to rest his hand on the back of the shorter man's neck, rubbing gently. He still wasn't sure if this was the best thing for Yuuri to be doing but Yuuri was also an adult. Victor couldn't make or force decisions onto him.

"Then, I will do my best to keep you here, because truly, as nice as I was trying to be a moment a go, I want you now where else." He wraps both arms around Yuuri now, holding on tightly. "I don't want anyone else to hold your hand or kiss your cheeks or lips.."

Okay, a little possessive but he was making a point. He was quite happy with Yuuri and wasn't looking to share any time soon.

If that conversation came up in the future, that would be a different story. The sharing. They could figure it out.

Victor needed to stop thinking.

Live and learn. That's the only way to figure things out, sometimes, Victor.

A soft huff of laughter escapes Yuuri at the other's words and while he's not sure what to make of that possessive tone, given the whole thing with Phichit, he doesn't comment on it. They're both in a strange mood right now.

Both of his arms end up around Victor in return now that his hand is free and he gives the other a squeeze, lifting his head enough to rest his chin on the other's shoulder.

"...Can we go back to the apartment?" he asked softly, really not feeling the idea of practice right now. He just wanted some time to decompress--with Victor.

Victor nods, arms full of Yuuri. He fit so perfectly in Victor's arms. Everything felt appropriate and right when he held him. He hoped he could make up for the mistake he made. And to never make it again.

"Yeah.. I'll make you dinner and tea. I'm learning how to make katsudon, you should tell me how I do.." He smiles, breaking the hug and lacing their fingers together to guide Yuuri off the ice.

A nice evening in would do them good. They could decompress, talk further if they wanted or just enjoy one another's company. Any would be good for Victor at this point.

He's grateful that Victor is willing to put off practicing right now. He knows that they both need it, they both have a lot they need to work on and perfect before the season starts up again but Yuuri really can't be bothered to care about it right now. There's too much going on inside his head which means he would flub any jump he tried to do and a night in with Victor sounds like the perfect cure.

He'd made it up to the other during practice tomorrow but..yeah. Screw it for today.

Squeezing Victor's hand as he follows him off the ice, Yuuri smiles softly, feeling himself start to relax more.

"I'm sure you'll do great. I can't wait to try it!"

The coach side of Victor wanted to convince Yuuri to stay and work on focusing despite distractions. It would be a good opportunity to help Yuuri learn how to clear his mind and perform under stress. Too bad the fiancee side was easily swayed. He couldn't be an asshole to Yuuri about his skating when he'd crushed Yuuri off the rink.

"Ah, I appreciate such a strong voice of confidence but I struggle, I do. I'm good with Russian dishes but Japanese continues to fall beyond my reach."

He hoped it would be okay. At least he could make the tea the way Yuuri liked it.

And honestly, in the end, the Katsudon came out decently. It was obvious that it wasn't quite to Yuuri's mom's skill level, but it was also obvious it was a recipe Victor had gotten from her. It would take practice to finesse it.

Victor's own Katsudon had a different sauce on it, though it wasn't for any distaste of the Mother Katsuki's recipe.

"Now that I know how to make it I can reward you with it more often.. I'd have to cook it more often, otherwise how would I perfect it anyway?"

Yuuri wasn't sure how to put into words just how grateful he was that Victor set aside his coach side for now. It meant a great deal to him and set the mood for the rest of the night since he didn't feel terrible about asking for a day off.

He was curled up on the coach while his fiance cooked, having changed out of his practice clothes and settled into something more comfortable--meaning a pair of sweats and one of Victor's shirts. He was browsing through his phone when the other announced the food was done and all in all? It wasn't a bad attempt at all.

His empty bowl ended up on the coffee table for the time being as he adjusted his blanket to settle over the other young man as well, leaning into his side some though not quite snuggling like he usually would.

"Not all the time. There's a reason I gained so much weight before," Yuuri said thoughtfully, tipping his head against Victor's shoulder with a wistful smile. "Every now and then would be nice, though."

Victor mentally noted the lack of usual snuggle but he doesn't say anything, just rests his arm over the back of the couch as an open gesture. When Yuuri's head lands on his shoulder he's more than happy to run his fingers through that dark hair affectionately.

"I'll have to figure out a low fat version. Which I think would probably be a bowl of rice with sad steamed pork plopped on top. That doesn't sound appetizing at all."

No, there was no changing that recipe into something healthy. It was meant to be hearty and full of calories. So, periodically would have to work. Victor didn't mind and he hoped eventually he'd actually be rather good at it.

"You know, when I called your mom to get the recipe I talked to your sister..." He was doing his best not to smile too soon to reveal himself. "She mentioned something about. .... posters..."

"I think saving it for certain times would be the best option," Yuuri said with a quiet laugh, knowing full well that most of the dishes he was a fan of had no real low fat version. But since he was full time skating again it wouldn't be too much of an issue keeping himself at the ideal weight. He just needed to make sure he didn't go overboard. Which was hard sometimes.

Victor starts to speak again and Yuuri lifts his head, glancing at the other curiously only to freeze.

Posters. Oh no. Oh no.

A blush sweeps over his cheeks and Yuuri immediately fish mouths at the other, not overly upset just straight up embarrassed.

"She--it's just--you were--" His idol. His longtime crush. Take your pick.

Victor was absolutely delighted with how quickly Yuuri started to blush. This explained why Yuuri was so desperate to keep Victor out of his room at first! Just the thought was adorable, the idea of a young Yuuri hanging up a poster with those star struck eyes..~

"So I've been watching over you while you sleep for years now~? I'm so honored. You know, if you wanted.."

Victor leans in, stroking his fingers over Yuuri's hair before trailing down to catch his chin.

"I could sign a few for you... make them real collector items. In exchange, I want a poster or two of you too!"

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For goldmedalvicturi

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-seal flippers- gaaaay

the gayest

Lets make it sad gay

cries

yes, YES WEEP

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