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Continued from here~

Setting his phone down, Yuuri immediately brought his hands up to scrub at his eyes, knocking his glasses askew as tears threatened to fall. It was stupid. This was stupid. He shouldn't have been this upset, this on edge, but he was and he had done and said some stupid things and now Victor was upset. To top things off, he'd spilled everything to Yurio and now the younger skater was coming to check on him. Just when Yuuri had thought he wouldn't be anymore of a bother to his friends...

He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly before lowering his hands, slowly shifting off the bed--trying to ignore how empty it all felt without Victor there--making his way over to the door since he knew Yurio was going to be there sooner rather than later.

Hopefully the other wouldn't notice how red his eyes were. That was the last thing he--

The oh so familiar knock that was more of a pounding on the door signaled Yuri's arrival and Yuuri closed the rest of the distance pulling it open with a shaky smile.

"Hey..."

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You have to take what you can get, Yuri. And they haven't been doing anything but sleeping, thank you very much!

"...Something like that," Yuuri murmured, refusing to look at the younger skater since the other was calling him out on his bull now. "It's--"

He paused as the other announced he brought something and Yuuri almost refused it outright because drinking really wasn't something he wanted to ever do again now that he knew how last year's banquet went but..

"Thank you." The gesture was appreciated. Reaching up to punch the bridge of his nose, Yuuri closed his eyes as a soft sigh escaped him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have even bothered you. My--I'm just..stressing myself out like always."

Yuri didn't care if Yuuri drank the little bottles. It was the thought that counted and it was the only thing he could think of on short notice. It wasn't like he knew what a 24 year old anxious ball of a skater would want to relax.

"Well, you did bother me and I'm here, so.."

Yuri sits on the bed, deciding if Yuuri said nothing weird was happening there then it was okay. He leans back on his hands, drawing his knees up to rest feet against the edge of the bed.

"... Its really frustrating, you know? Getting texts like that..."

He flops back onto the bed, knees still bent but after a moment he lets his feet slide off. They didn't quite reach the floor.

"I bet he's frustrated too. He left skating to coach you and its not like it hasn't helped. You've broken personal bests, you're here at the Grand Prix..." He waves his hand towards the ceiling, brow furrowed deeply. "And then you talk like you're a burden or waste of time! Doesn't that say to Victor 'I think all this effort you did is a waste!'?"

He knows that Yuri probably doesn't realize that he's making the situation worse with what he's saying; he knows it's just how the other is. God does it make Yuuri want to curl up and never wake up though. His eyes burn from unshed tears as he ducks his head, closing his eyes tightly to try and fight them off as an apology--as several apologies--start to bubble up in his throat.

Thankfully the other keeps talking and it gives Yuuri a chance to compose himself. He's able to focus on what Yuri's actually saying and remind himself that the other is young. How much experience could he possibly having dealing with anxiety ridden adults? He's being his usual blunt self, that's all.

The fact that Yuri was even here meant that he actually did give at least a few shits.

"I can't--I messed up. I got too ambitious and I screwed up. And then his face when he was watching everyone else--watching you--" Yuuri's voice cracks and he quickly reaches up with both hands to rub his eyes, sucking in a quick breath.

Keep it together, Katsuki.

"I promised him a gold and I can't...I'm not going to be able to deliver."

Nope, Yuri had no chill and honestly no real filter. He wasn't good with anxiety. It just saw it as some form of weakness, even when he experienced it himself. Yuuri should be stronger! He should be happy that he was here and that he'd gotten so far, above and beyond last year and all expectations due to it!

"Well, no, the gold is mine" That was just a flat statement. He wasn't going to give up the gold just because Yuuri made a promise. Yuuri would have to pry it from his cold dead hands!

But when he turns his head, he could see the older skater was struggling a bit and he sits up with a frown. What was he supposed to do if Katsuki started crying?

"...Victor watches everyone like a competitor would. Just because he's your coach now doesn't mean he's not still a skater." He props a leg so he can rest his arm on his knee, waving his hand a little flippantly. "And I can't help it if he can't resist watching me skate! I broke his record! I would have been angry if he wasn't watching me!"

He would have been furious because he destroyed that record on the program Victor choreographed. He was sure Victor wished he was the one skating it at that point, seeing how Yuri turned it into art!

But that was only because of the help others had given him over the season...

Yuuri knew all of this. He knew that watching Yuri perform had been equally as important to Victor as watching him. He knew that the other wasn't going to be able to leave behind his desire to skate--to be a skater--that easily. He knew all of that but it was hard to get past the roadblocks that his brain was putting up for him. It was hard for that common sense to outweigh the stifling guilt and shame that he felt over messing up so much.

Why couldn't he be perfect for Victor? Why couldn't he perform the way he knew he needed to? Why couldn't he win gold?

It takes him a long moment to find his voice as he closes his eyes behind his hands and takes several long, deep breaths.

In and out. Calm down. Stop assuming the worst.

"...I just..I feel like I've wasted his time. That I'm not--that if it weren't for me he'd be on the ice doing what he loves." Instead of watching from the sidelines. Watching with so much want. With so much need.

Yuri turns his head to look at Yuuri when he's taking the long breaths. He realized then that maybe he was saying things that weren't actually helping. He reaches out and pushes Yuuri's shoulder.

"You're here. You made it. Its not a waste. I bet if you said that to him he'd feel really stupid."

Yurio winces at himself, knowing THAT was probably harsh to say. How was he supposed to know what to say?

"He.. wasn't loving it. He needed a break. You gave him the break. Now maybe he'll go back to the ice but its not like he's just going to throw you to the curb.."

The push catches him off guard and his breath hitches as he saws with it, hands falling away from his face as he looks at the other. His eyes are bloodshot and even with his glasses on he can't really focus right now but he can still make out the other's shape.

And he's grounded enough now that he can understand what the other is trying to do.

"I know," he admitted in a soft tone, gaze dropping. "It's not fair to him to have to...for my anxiety to make him feel terrible." And he didn't want that. He had never wanted that. He was just trying to do what he thought was best but, yet again, his impulses had turned out to be the wrong impulses to follow.

"I want him to skate again. I know he misses it..I don't want to keep him from doing what he loves."

Yuri didn't know what to say. Last time he dealt with Yuuri being anxious he'd kicked a bathroom door in and screamed at him to quit skating. Now he was in this new position of trying to convince Yuuri that everything was fine...

"I mean.. I. ... Its not something you can control right?" He rubs his hair, the blonde locks fluttering around his face as he tries to figure out what exactly to say.

"He's at the rink every day with you, so why not skate then.. I mean.. He's an adult, he can skate if he wants to, its not like you're tying him down or holding him at skate-point."

He snickered at his own wit.

"I should have better control of it. I shouldn't--it shouldn't get to me like this." If only it were that easy though. Yuuri was on medication for it but nothing would ever permanently fix it. It would always be there; it was just a matter of coping.

When one was in a high stress activity like competitive ice skating though...

What Yuri was saying wasn't something Yuuri had considered before. It wasn't something he had taken the time to actually think about and it gives him a moment of clarity. They were at the rink all the time. Victor could skate whenever he wanted but he chose to coach Yuuri. Chose to focus on what the Japanese skater was doing and what he needed to improve on.

A weak laugh escapes him as the joke finally sinks in and he glances over at his friend.

"Even if that was a thing, I'm about as threatening as a small dog," he admitted, trying his best to pull himself out of the hole he'd sunk into. "...I just worry that he feels obligated at this point. That he doesn't want to hurt my feelings my telling me he doesn't want to be my coach. At least that's what my brain thinks he's actually thinking--tells me that he's thinking."

"Well, he IS obligated to at this point but its not like he doesn't want to. If he doesn't want to do something I think he's the type to just not do it."

He certainly decided to just not coach Yuri. A little frustrating, but he couldn't deny that it had been a good choice on Victor's part. The man was obviously happy.

"I used to see him too much because we used the same rinks. It wasn't like he was all that... He's different now."

Yuri sighs, leaning back on his hands.

"I was never going to get his attention, not after the banquet..."

That was true. Victor really was that way and he wasn't the type to let others make him do anything.

"I want to believe that. I honestly do believe it..." It was just a losing battle sometimes, especially when he was stressed out and anxious.

Slowly drawing his legs up so he can wrap his arms loosely around them, Yuuri props his chin on his knees as he listens to his companion.

"Different how?" Was it good or bad? Had Yuuri messed things up? Had he made Victor dumb himself down or--

Wait.

"What?" It comes out as a bit squeaky as he looks to Yuri, eyes wide. "What does that mean?"

Yuuri needed to fix those medications he was on, because damn. Yuri couldn't even keep up with him. He seemed to stress himself out by breathing.

He side eyes Yuri then huffs through his nose, tossing a bit of his hair aside.

"He's happier. Looks like he's enjoying himself more than he's had in years." He rolls his eyes. "Please, don't act like your gyrating against his hip didn't play some part."

He's not that bad! It's only this bad during competition's okay and he's getting better! Slowly but surely..

But he can't even focus on that right now because he's too busy being incredibly embarrassed all of a sudden, blushing to his ears as his eyes widen.

"G-gyrating--what?! I--no one told me I did that!" He'd been told quite a few things but no one had mentioned that particular detail.

Yuri stares at Yuuri then grins, grabbing his shoulder.

"No one TOLD YOU? You had your arms wrapped around Victor, not even wearing PANTS, just grinding away at his leg like a dog in heat!! His FACE...!!!"

Oh god. Oh god he was going to die. This was going to be his end.

Yuuri feels his head spin but it's not a bad thing--he's just a bit overwhelmed with embarrassment. Thanks for that, Yurio.

"I..oh my god I can never look at him again."

Yurio started laughing. He sits up on his knees, bouncing on the bed as he shakes Yuri by the shoulder with just escalating elation over having destroyed Yuuri through embarrassment.

"You were begging him to be your coach! You know that's why he gave you Eros, right?! He must have been so confused!!"

"That's--I wondered! It didn't make any sense that he would give me Eros!" It had felt so strange and Yuuri had been so distraught over the assignment.

But now? Now it all made sense. Actually...everything made sense. The way Victor had acted initially. God he must have expected Yuuri to remember!

"This is the best, he probably isn't even aware.. I'm texting him!!"

He pulls his phone out to type quickly in rapid Russian.

"What--No!" Yuuri immediately unfolds from his position and tries to get the phone away from the younger skater, his anxiety seeping away in favor of other emotions that are a bit easier to deal with.

Mostly embarrassment.

"Yuri-kun!"

He's laughing out loud as he's accosted by the Japanese man. He falls over, twisting around to protect the phone.

"He deserves to know!! He'll be so embarrassed!!"

The other twists around to protect the phone and Yuuri does the only thing he can think to do--

He immediately goes for Yuri's sides to tickle him and try to get him to unfold.

"That's exactly why you can't say anything!" he shot back though there was laughter starting to tinge his words now.

"That's exactly why I should!!" He starts laughing, struggling to finish the message but it collapsed into random characters being sent to Victor.

He finally pushes the phone away, turning to try and defend himself but he's laughing to hard.

Their faces were close, hands pressing against Yuuri's collarbones.

It's good to hear the other skater laugh. Hell, it's good to laugh. He'd been in such a funk since the end of his short program that he hadn't felt this at ease for what felt like days.

Yuuri grins down at the other before bumping their foreheads together.

"Thank you, Yuri-kun," he said softly before he was moving away from the other and taking his phone with him. "What did you say? I should text him--no I should go talk to him."

The forehead bump wasn't what Yuri expected. That much would be obvious if Yuuri noticed the lean in and slight head tilt in assumption.

His face was beet red as he sits up as Yuuri leans back to look at his phone.

"..Didn't really manage to say anything." He reached to pick up his phone again, keeping his head down as he scrolls over the random smattering of words and letters.

"Victor just sent question marks and asked what's up. He said he's downstairs at the bar..."

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