Yuuri knew all of this. He knew that watching Yuri perform had been equally as important to Victor as watching him. He knew that the other wasn't going to be able to leave behind his desire to skate--to be a skater--that easily. He knew all of that but it was hard to get past the roadblocks that his brain was putting up for him. It was hard for that common sense to outweigh the stifling guilt and shame that he felt over messing up so much.

Why couldn't he be perfect for Victor? Why couldn't he perform the way he knew he needed to? Why couldn't he win gold?

It takes him a long moment to find his voice as he closes his eyes behind his hands and takes several long, deep breaths.

In and out. Calm down. Stop assuming the worst.

"...I just..I feel like I've wasted his time. That I'm not--that if it weren't for me he'd be on the ice doing what he loves." Instead of watching from the sidelines. Watching with so much want. With so much need.